Author: Bethany Young

Today, I encountered a life change. Today, bricks of waiting, praying, un-sure-ity, and scared to death bravery finally made an appearance.

I had to say “I quit”.

Now, what you don’t know is 9 months ago, this thing I quit was an answer to prayer. A picture of God’s provision and goodness to me. But today and after months of struggle, heart and soul searching, I quit.

And you know what? I am hopeful, at peace, and cautiously optimistic.

There is a “Pandemic” going on. A lot of people are in a much worse condition than I (and my family) am. But does that negate God’s ability to provide? Nope.

People are in panic mode, the world (it seems) is ending. Does that negate God’s ability to bring peace? Nope.

In the background of it all, there is one who stands outside of time, panic, and disaster. He stands, not wringing his hands wondering “oh what am I going to do?”.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 14:27 ESV

How is the world giving peace right now? And how do you see your gracious heavenly Father giving peace?

Open to me the gates of righteousness, that I may enter through them and give thanks to the LORD. This is the gate of the LORD; the righteous shall enter through it. I thank you that you have answered me and have become my salvation. The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone. This is the LORD’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes. This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:19-24 ESV

I think it’s hard to rejoice and be glad.

Mainly because there are times I recall when it was hard to get out of bed in the morning. Times when it was hard to breathe from grief. Times when all motivation seemed to be a million miles away.

So, if I believe that everyday is the day that the LORD has made, how can I rejoice and be glad in them (even when I am clearly not glad)? I mean, the Psalm could’ve been written by David who also experienced seasons of depression. Or it could have been written during the Babylonian Captivity. How is it then I can rejoice when it is hard to?

If we ponder for even a moment, I think we could discover that even when it feels like it’s impossible to “rejoice and be glad” that we can.

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24 ESV

I think being glad and rejoicing come from a sense of purpose. If I begin to understand that there is a purpose behind what I do, my life, and the hard stuff that happens. That the God of eternity is reminding me that this is not my home, could change how I view “this day”. Its a mindset of eternity.

This is the LORD’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes.

Psalm 118:23 ESV

Whatever God does has a greater purpose to accomplish. It’s a mindset of value.

The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.

Psalm 118:22 ESV

This is a picture of Christ. God’s gift to us. He was rejected, He was bruised, He came that we might go. Now he is the cornerstone on which we can build our lives. All done for him is worth it.

I thank you because you have answered me and have become my salvation.

Psalm 118:21 ESV

Christ has become our salvation. There was no way we could have saved ourselves, HE became for us! What a picture of love. A mindset of faith.

This is the gate of the LORD; the righteous shall enter through it.

Psalm 118:20 ESV

Again, another picture of Christ. He is the door (gate). We become righteous through Christ. There’s no need to worry if we get life figured out and everything be hunky dory. The reality is, is that it won’t be. And God let us off the hook to be perfect, giving us Christ to be perfect in our stead. A mindset of grace.

Open to me the gates of righteousness, that I may enter through them and give thanks to the LORD.

Psalm 118:19 ESV

Christ’s perfection, makes me perfect in the eyes of God. Christ’s righteousness is freely given to me, through no effort of my own. I’ve been let off the hook, loved, and given a purpose. All of those are plenty of reasons to rejoice and be thankful. A mindset of thankfulness.

Even when it’s hard to get up in the morning. Even when motivation has left again. If the only thing I can thank God for is salvation. Then that is how I can rejoice and be glad in the days when it’s hard.

I kid you not, I think I’ve seen the words “just be kind” over 10 times today. It’s been a consistent theme, which is nice as a reminder. But why would you need to be reminded that often?

Right now, we have a tough time being kind. Being kind to ourselves, being kind to our families, being kind to our neighbors. Apparently, we need to be reminded to be kind.

I am starting to read the Bible chronologically (again) . I stumbled a lot last year, so, maybe I’ll be more consistent this year. Who knows! I am doing The Bible Recap with Tara Leigh Cobble (a podcast & a reading plan on You Version). We were supposed to be in Job 21-23, but I am behind (go figure) and I read Job 6-9 today.

Backstory of Job

Job lived during the time of Abraham, in Uz (somewhere around the Chaldean people and the Sabean people groups). Job was known as the greatest man in the east during his time. Job has just lost all of his children, his flocks and cattle, and he is stricken with disease.

Someone needs to show this guy some kindness. I mean, really. If anyone deserved it, it was Job. The guy offered sacrifices to God every day for his kid’s unintentional sins. He was blameless, the best boss, the best husband. He technically deserved all accolades.

His friends come to comfort him, they sit with him for a solid week. No talking, just sitting. Job breaks the silence via lament. His friend Eliphaz chimes in, and then Job states his case.

While doing so, he offers this beautiful truth for us.

“He who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.”

Job 6:14 ESV

It is not the one withholding the kindness that is forsaking the fear of God. It’s the friend that needs the kindness. To better understand, let’s put this in today’s terms.

The best thing you can do for a friend who has lost hope and lost their confidence in God, is to be kind. Kindness speaks louder than shouting.

Job needed kind people around him. The rest of Job 6 reveals the type of people that were present in his life. Verse 21 is especially sobering.

“For you have now become nothing; you see my calamity and are afraid.”

Job 6:21 ESV

Mind you, his friends just sat in silence with him for an entire week. But in the scheme of things, that was easy kindness. It’s easy kindness to hold your tongue when you’d rather give someone the what for.

This kindness is scary kindness. The kindness that involves risk. This is the kindness that causes missionaries to travel to remote distances to live with a people who are known for killing. This is the kindness that involves no personal gain. This is the kindness that seeks reconciliation when the whole world would say “they deserve much worse”.

This is the kindness that leads to repentance. Would you look at that, the very kindness that God shows us. The ultimate kindness that lived and died in our place.

We have been called to show scary kindness. Brave kindness.

I don’t know, that sounds terrifying to me. I am more like the Job 6:21 people versus a Romans 1:16 people. Which is sobering, sad, and just not good. So this kindness is something to emulate. Something to ask God to create in me, because I won’t get it by myself. As I pray about being this kind of kind, would you pray about it too? That as God gives opportunities to be this kind, that we take them?

Let’s be kind (brave).

I am a first born. I place unwanted, unnecessary expectations on my shoulders.

I am a Melancholy – Phlegmatic. I am detailed and task oriented, but I can easily fall into a depressive state.

I am a Type 1 enneagram with a 2 wing. I am always assessing the world around me (and my inner world) looking for ways to improve. My inner critic is incessant and never runs out of breath. I strive to love others well, hoping in return they will love me too.

“When my mind says I’m not good enough, God, you’re enough for me. I’ve decided I’m not giving up, you won’t give up on me.”

“Echo” by Elevation Worship

There have been many times within this walk where God has brought up Colossians 3:1-4 to me. I could only guess that he would because HE knew I would struggle with it for the rest of my life. Not because he is cruel, but rather, he knows every hair on my head, knows where I stumble (over and over), knows where I need see his love for me most.

Yesterday, I went to church, listened to the sermon, sat in Sunday School and cried. There was a wave I just couldn’t shake. I would like to think of myself as a “put together” person, but yesterday I was not. I had to leave church earlier than planned due to overwhelming sadness and resentment. When I got home, my husband went on a walk with me. He patiently listened to me cry and get frustrated over the lack of grace I have for myself.

Grace for myself? What the crap is that about? In my mind, that makes no sense to me! I don’t need that, I need grace for others. I need to forgive OTHERS, not me. I just need to be fixed, that’s all.

“When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” Colossians 3:4 ESV

It says “When” Christ who “is” your life appears. When, is future tense. Is, is present tense. Christ is your life, and when he comes, you’ll be there too. Not because you are glorious on your own, but because he is. His life, his perfection is what defines you. Not what you do.

But if I claim Christ is my life, when I neglect to show myself grace, what am I saying? I am essentially saying that Christ’s work in me is not enough. That I have to put forth effort in the perfection department. NEWSFLASH: this world is BROKEN. We are in a state of groaning until Christ comes to redeem us. (Romans 8:20-23). Any attempt of “perfecting” on my part is futile and pointless because I am also in a state of groaning, my effort is marred. I need a perfect, perfecter who can grant his perfection to me. Not because I deserve it, but out of his LOVE for me grants it. (Basically all of Romans 8).

“For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope. that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. ” Romans 8:20-23 ESV

In ever so “perfect” timing, I listened to truth my husband shared with me so sweetly. Then I decided to go through a marriage course put on by yourenneagramcoach.com . I listened to the video, that said *almost* verbatim what my husband told me (literally an hour later). I am motivated by being right and good. I would rather not show too much emotion to risk being looked at as inappropriate. I long for being told that I am good. But that means I can also never give myself slack, and allow Christ to be good on my behalf. Twisted, right? Christ is the perfect, perfecter. He’s already done it all. His sacrifice is complete, not lacking in anything, it’s perfect whole and good. He loved me! Clothing me in his righteousness, trading my groaning for glory. When Christ is your life appears…

What does that mean for me? It means, as a first born the truth I see is that my Savior took all the expectations of heaven on his shoulders. He made a way for me to be adopted into God’s family. As a melancholy- phlegmatic I see clearly that Christ accomplished all the Father asked of him. He was compassionate, and cared for his sheep. He didn’t run at the first sight of a tear. He himself cried, when in Gethsemane. As a type 1 his perfection ministers to me, even more that his perfection that HE gives me (and makes in me) lets me off the hook. Knowing that I am off the hook in his eyes, and therefore can be off the hook in mine. Silencing my inner critic for the Holy Spirit, who speaks life, and not death.

Lord, Help me to see you. Your goodness and perfection, you gave. Thank you for the grace that you show me, and help me to show it to myself. Thank you for reaching and exceeding the righteous requirement, so that I don’t need to. You are creating in me something new and good, let me not step in the way of that. Thank you for not running out on me. Amen.

I do not consider myself to be brave. Not even a little bit. I don’t like scary movies (I’m having kind of a hard time with Stranger Things). I don’t like haunted houses. I don’t like doing things with great risk.

But there are times when I did do something scary, and every time the Lord has proven himself to be faithful.

I spent a summer in Springfield Massachusetts, it was scary. I learned a great deal of what the body of Christ looks like and real ministry.

I moved to upstate New York. Only spending a weekend in New York during my time in Springfield. I accepted a job and moved in with two ladies I hardly knew. It was scary. But I increased in love for others and understood what it means to “bear with” one another.

I finished my degree. After moving back home from New York (my life for 2 years), I decided to finish my schooling. I learned about God’s ability to redeem. During this season he showed me forgiveness and how to forgive others.

I married my husband. Nothing like not feeling worthy to make marriage seem scary. But the Lord proves his faithfulness to me over and over again through the sweetest gift I have.

And my next scary thing..

Increasing in skills and business as a photographer.

This scary thing happened all by itself really. I felt unworthy, and unable to do my scary thing. But here we are. We will see how it goes.

All I know is that even when my fears cause me to stop. I have a very big and faithful God who will direct my steps.

I grew up in a Christian family, with both a Dad and a Mom. My Dad served with middle schoolers on Sunday mornings for 15 years, and my mom served with the homeschool group for 18 years. I am a graduate of Word of Life Bible Institute, a two year school that grants biblical studies credit for pursuit of further christian education. I only participated in 1 year of the two year program, spending my school year at their florida campus near Tampa, FL.

The summer of 2012, I spent in Springfield Massachusetts. Working with a local church in VBS, anti-bullying initiatives, summer teen programs, and home bound ministry. I graduated and was hired by Word of Life Bible Institute as a department manager for the admissions department for the school year of 2012-2013. I was then asked to change positions, becoming an assistant to the Dean of Admissions.

The years of 2012 – 2014 were the most challenging years for my personal spiritual walk. Facing moments of loneliness, uncertainty, and culture shock. There were times I simply did not know how my feelings and truth of God’s Word coincided.

Regardless of who we are and how we feel, we have a God who can answer every question and speak to every emotion we have.

I am emotional person. I feel deeply, and unfortunately it shows on my face. Often I think “what are emotions for?” And often, I can’t come up with an answer. One thing I do know, emotions help us relate to one another. They help us communicate. They help us connect. But do they indicate spiritual maturity? Are you more pious or holy when there is a lack? How do you know and how do you balance?

Since the other sources I have are emotional people, I figured the best way to find out this answer was to turn to the examples I have in scripture. David, Jeremiah, Mary (sister to Lazarus), and Jesus.

Examples in Scripture

David, known as the man after God’s own heart. That term comes from 1 Samuel 13:14 when Samuel is telling Saul that the kingdom is being taken away from him. David is also one of the contributors of a majority of Psalms (full of emotion). Before taking his throne he was known as a skillful musician (1 Samuel 16:18).

“But now your kingdom shall not continue. The LORD has sought out a man after his own heart, and the LORD has commanded him to be prince over his people, because you have not kept what the LORD commanded you.” 1 Samuel 13:14 ESV

https://www.esv.org/1+Samuel+13/

Jeremiah, a prophet alive during the years of captivity. He wrote the books Jeremiah and Lamentations (book of lamenting). Known best by his nickname “the weeping prophet”. He walked back and forth for over 40 years telling the people to repent. Guess what he did during all that walking and preaching? You guessed it, cried. Emotional would be the term I would use here.

Mary, the sister of Lazarus was a fire cracker at best. When Lazarus died, she was a wreck (as any person would be). The provider for her household just died, and she knew Jesus could’ve taken care of it. Raising her voice, crying, jumping to conclusions, Mary is a real example of how we are.

Jesus, our best example. There are numerous occasions where Jesus is described as “having compassion”. He experienced joy at the wedding feast in Cana and then cleansed the temple as described in John 2. In John 11:35, Jesus mourned over the loss of his friend to show that he was human and to identify with Mary and Martha.

All of these (and more) show us that emotions are not to make our lives messier, but to show us that we are capable of deeper connections. But what if how we feel doesn’t quite make sense? What if our feeling causes friction in our belief?

Every Good and Perfect Gift

Attributes are the defining qualities of a person. Likewise, attributes of God are defining qualities of God that he has revealed to us. A way for us to get to know him better. In James 1:16-18 we are given a little hint.

“Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.” James 1:16-18 ESV

https://www.esv.org/James+1/

What is the most perfect gift God has ever given? Himself, Jesus Christ, God incarnate. Where did our gift come from? From the Father Himself, from above. How so? John 1 says, “… but the Word became flesh and dwelt among us…” James says “…of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth..”

Besides learning from Christ, the very attributes of God can bring a comfort to us like a friend comforts us. Jesus identified with us by showing emotions, but God the father gives us clues about himself that we may have a better understanding and gain wisdom.

“When the cares of my heart are many,
your consolations cheer my soul.” Psalm 94:19 ESV

https://www.esv.org/Psalm+94/

The more time we spend getting to know the God who invented emotions. Our understanding and connection with Him become deeper. Jeremiah (our weeping prophet) gives us a good word for this connection.

“Thus says the LORD: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD.”” Jeremiah 9:23-24 ESV

https://www.esv.org/Jeremiah+9/

So how do the attributes of God help me with being emotional? Well, I personally wrote out all the things I was frustrated, angry, and confused about. 1. Writing helps you process things. 2. Writing helps determine whether something is worthy of time or not. Then I wrote down the attributes of God that best answered my emotional processing lists.

I found an answer to everything I was angry, frustrated, and confused about. God was my answer. Instead of dwelling on how I felt and feeding those feelings, I chose to dwell on the one who can actually do something about it. The one who sits outside of time, but yet is invested in me.

Your consolations cheer my soul.Knowing you, who you are regardless of what I’m feeling, cheers my soul.

I don’t remember seeing it on a back of Wheaties. I can’t recall seeing it printed on an inspirational poster. But why do we buy into the idea that we have to be “with it” within 4-6 months? Does personal development really mean you have to be an expert at whatever within a certain timeframe?

I would like to suggest that isn’t the case. A person who is good at their profession took time. Time indicates expertise. Are there exceptions to the rule? Of course! There are those who are gifted for a specific process, and there are others who see the process as needing tweaking.

Whether it’s 2 days, 2 months, or 2 years. No one is putting a timeframe on your development but you. If you feel discouraged because you thought you’d be farther along, don’t fret. If you feel like the development process is taking FOREVER, fear not. Harvests don’t happen overnight, give yourself time to grow.

This post was originally written on March 19, 2015 and published on my blogger site. 

I want to share a little insight about me for a quick second.. I am a Melancholy- Phlegmatic Temperament. Which means that I feel deeply, I need truth, and I like being alone most of the time. However, if I have friends, I care about them deeply and unfortunately, I have to guard myself in taking their actions (or words) personally.

With that being said, I am incredibly thankful for the inerrancy of Scripture. Although it seems to be very pointed at times, I love searching for truth within God’s Word. God’s Word does not fail. No matter how many people turn their backs on God, God does not turn His back on us when we trust in Him.  God’s actions matter to me more than any other person.

In this day in age, there are too many people who went to Bible College, served the Lord in variety of ways, and now their lives do not radiate a love for God at all. Do you realize how depressing that is? Seeing sweet “Christian” young men and women turn their backs on a Holy God who loves them?

If there is any exhortation I could give you, please check yourself. You have been bought with a price, you have been adopted into the most loving family (God’s). You are not your own. If other “Christians” are changing the way you view this life for Christ, you need to search the scriptures. That is one thing that will NEVER change. Opinions change, God’s Word does not.

” Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Do not be led away by diverse and strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods, which have not benefited those devoted to them.” (Hebrews 13:7-9 ESV)

* Emphasis added.

This post was originally posted on my blogger acccount. Written on November 25,2014. Original title “I am not a picture.”

I am not a picture. I’ve never been one. I have flaws, I’ve made mistakes, and I stumble on a regular basis. My favorite color is dark teal, I love dark chocolate, and sushi. I’ve been told I’m funny sometimes, but I can’t tell jokes very well.

I love it when God tells us that he is light, and in him there is no darkness at all. (1 John 1:5) Maybe it’s because I really don’t like the dark, something has to be glowing for me to sleep well.

I am not a picture. But my life is a picture of God’s grace. Everyday is a picture of God’s mercy upon me. (Lamentations 3:22) He knows I’ll stumble, He knows my frame, He remembers that I am dust. (Psalm 103:14)

So, if I am not a picture, you aren’t a picture either.

Your life is a beautiful art piece that God is adding to day after day. You are a living, breathing, human soul, whom God loves very much.

Then why would you want to have a relationship with a picture? Considering you aren’t one.

You were meant to connect, first to God through salvation, then to others through relationships. Why would you want to connect to a picture? A picture doesn’t value you. A picture doesn’t challenge and spur you on to love and good works. (Hebrews 10:24)  A picture cannot help you become more like Christ. A picture can’t tell you that they love you. A picture doesn’t love.

God loves, people love. Pictures do not.

Think about it.